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7.8.2002
I was going to update my works in progress, but Blogger isn't letting me into my template. Searching is now up and I'm working on Discoveries, the next stroy in the Magic Box series. Also, I'm not certain where I'm going with the Letters series, so Brief Note may never happen. So many fics. So little time.
Caro | 4:01 PM
Saturday was an incredibly productive day, with lots of fic feedback sent out and a good chunk of the new story written. Today, I'm jazzed because the offer is official and unless I've done something so hideously stupid that they don't want me around, I'll be a full-time associate come the 22nd. So jazzed. I'm thinking of writing a "Buffy gets a job" fic in celebration, but may hold off until the paperwork is signed. Still, I'm jazzed.
Caro | 3:56 PM
7.6.2002
It's amazing! It's a Saturday and I'm actually updating my blog. Well, I'm pretty much spending most of today at the computer since my husband's taping a Stargate SG-1 marathon on Showtime. Don't blame him, but I'm just not in the mood to watch at the moment. Instead, I'm bouncing back and forth between my e-mail, the web and the new story I'm writing. At some point, I do need to get Searching up on the web, but right now I want to keep writing. If I want to do that, why am I blogging? Because I'm trying to think of the right way for Buffy to handle the frontal assault of the nerds, and this is a momentary distraction. Wait, I think I got it. Later.
Caro | 2:53 PM
7.5.2002
Accidentally dumped my first posting, but I'll live. It's Friday and the office is real quiet today -- as soon as I get the work done I need to get done, I'm out of here. (Speaking of which, I should stop playing on the web and do it, but that's another story.) Manuscripts are both gone to NYC and I've gotten one set of scores back. Need to go looking for certificates this weekend so I can get this all set up and finished. We'll go by Papyrus; that should have something unique looking I can use. I may put some color on it, depending on the paper. Also, I'm going to start packing the manuscripts up for return and the first batch is going out tomorrow. Have to do letters to go with them tonight and finish up my e-mail to other people about the contest. I'm no longer scared about looking at my main e-mail address and I feel I can take responsibility for not doing many of the things I should have done. It's been a long road to get here and I've learned some valuable lessons. I need to change routines, need to start doing my morning planning again. There are going to be two sessions of that -- one at home where I plan what I need done for myself and ten minutes at work where I figure out what needs to happen that day. Time to get the Franklin updated and going again. Funny, it seems like forever since I've used it and I really need to update the address pages this weekend. Need to order the Circa phone book as well, so we can have that for the house. Searching is finished and starting to receive reviews. I'm getting some very positive feedback from people and it's more healing than one could possibly imagine. I'm also learning that I won't please everyone and I don't need to try to. I need to write my story and that's the most important thing. This is both healing and learning. I'm growing more and more confident about my story telling ability and I'm starting to think that I might actually have a chance to make this work. I'm ready to start with Discoveries the next story in the series, and I'm hoping that will go fairly fast so we can move on to the meat of the situation. Back to work now so I can get the hell out of here.
Caro | 10:19 AM
7.3.2002
Sing praise and hallelujah! I've gotten the last judge I need and can get the last three manuscripts off to NY to be judged. I owe two very special ladies some gifts because of their generosity and kindness. I've been starting to feel a bit like Blanche DuBois in the last few weeks, desperately relying on the kindness of strangers. Not fun at all. Sometimes we must, but I've been doing it a little too often this year. Tonight, no matter how much I wish to go and play in my version of the Buffyverse, I need to get things together to get the Royal Ascot stuff out of the house. I want this all done and gone by Saturday afternoon, which will be just fine with me. I've screwed up and the time has come to take my lumps. Life didn't go like I expected and I pulled the covers over my head. If it had not been for the kindness of some wonderful people, I would have screwed this not just for myself, but for many others. Time to take my medicine. Enough of beating myself over the head. I need to get moving and get on with it. Over the next few weeks I'll be spending a great deal of time on my e-mail apologizing for what I've done, but I can stop being afraid of what I'll find. Time for me to pull back seriously (for real this time) and re-trench. My own house needs to be in order, no matter how trite a phrase that can be. Still feeling relatively good, no downturn on the fire I talked about Friday. It's time to get on with my life; I've been treading water too long. New job, new projects -- all of this is of the good, but it only will be if I manage to focus myself. More journaling is needed, some of it having to do with fic, some not. I need to get my turmoil out, need to feel better about myself. To be honest, I haven't felt very good and its affected all aspects of my life. No fun, let's not do that again. There will be changes and that is always scary, but I can go with it. I love my life and I love my husband. I love my writing and all of that is worth fighting for. I've been losing the war because I haven't been showing up. Time to stop. Tomorrow is July 4. I don't have to go to work and Friday will be pretty quiet. I have four days to concentrate of getting myself together, to seeing to my needs and working through some of the junk. It won't solve everything, but it will help a whole helluva a lot. What I'm looking for is grounding, something I've been lacking. Tomorrow is Independence Day. Time for some freedom. For any who are interested, the next Magic Box story should be done by this evening.
Caro | 10:09 AM
7.1.2002
Not surprisingly, I didn't get to my blog this weekend. I did, however, get a bunch of writing done and started working out an idea for the "Cleveland Vampire" which is my own spin on the Jossverse. This is stuff that I might actually be able to sell, which would be welcome. Still have much of that fired up feeling I had Friday, which is good because it means it lasted over the weekend. Perhaps it's getting to the end of the commitments, perhaps it's the job situation, I don't know. I do know that I want to keep on this path because it's positive. So here's to positive on Monday. What a concept.
Caro | 10:28 AM
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